Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
