his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
