My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
