Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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