Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
