i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
