im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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