How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
