After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
