He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
