Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
