I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i believe in u and ur pee
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
