I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
