dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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