we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
