My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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