Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Non-Jews are for practice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
