I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
