Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
