I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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