I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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