Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
FUCK WHALES
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
