Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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