He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
