i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
