Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
