Your dad touched me again.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
