my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
