My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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