There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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