Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
where am i from again
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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