we're blogging at a bar
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
