Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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