Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
