Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
