my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
