I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
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