we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
