Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
