my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
