we have officially lost it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
