im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
