Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
