we have officially lost it.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
