theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
