Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
