Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
