1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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