I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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