at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
