The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
