roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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