You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
