it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
