drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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